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A year and a half ago, I sustained a “mild” traumatic brain injury (TBI) from an accidental kick to the head that has led to persistent concussion symptoms (PCS). Ever since then, I’ve been asking myself: When will things go back to normal? Will they ever?
It’s a question more and more people around me are starting to sympathize with, as the COVID-19 becomes our new normal. The difference between a brain injury and a country trying to manage a pandemic seem profound, but bear with me. They have a lot more in common than it would first appear.
Living With Uncertainty
In concussion recovery, there’s something called the “Return to Play” protocol. Basically, it’s a plan for incrementally returning to various activities, a little bit at a time, but never before you’re ready to. For most concussion patients, you’re fine within a month. But for approximately 30% of TBI cases, PCS develops, which means a life of uncertainty. If you have PCS, your TBI symptoms could last a year, several years, or a lifetime.
Sound familiar? The future of COVID-19 is just as uncertain.
In March, when the outbreak first started shutting down the U.S., it felt like we were following a “Return to Play Protocol.” There was a call to “flatten the curve,” and if we did that, we’d earn ourselves the time we needed to get the virus under control.
How long will all of this go on? Nobody knows, but it makes your head hurt to think about. That’s PCS in a nutshell.
Except it’s now six months later, and it doesn’t look like we’re anywhere close to a return to normalcy. A vaccine could still be a year or more away, and we’re still not sure what the best way to reopen schools, restaurants, sports, and other activities? Millions are still out of work.
How long will all of this go on? Nobody knows, but it makes your head hurt to think about. That’s PCS in a nutshell.
Finding and Following the Experts
It seems counter-intuitive, but it can be hard to find reliable information when you first get a TBI. The neurologist I saw last year was not a TBI expert, and so, without proper guidance, I pushed myself too far and had a setback. Ultimately, that lack of proper advice resulted in me needing to leave work and use walking aids for several months.
I wonder to this day how much further I might be in my recovery if I’d had better advice early on. Thankfully, I have since found amazing specialists. One thing I appreciate about my current providers is that they know the nature of uncertainty in PCS and don’t make unreasonable promises. Early on, I asked, “Can I drive again someday?” My PT responded, “Maybe,” and provided me with customized balance and vision exercises, to reach that goal. If and when it is safe to return to certain activities, my team can guide me through the process so that I don’t overdo (or underdo) it.
America’s response to COVID has been more like my initial experience with an expert who didn’t really understand what they were dealing with.
Needless to say, America’s response to COVID has been more like my initial experience with an expert who didn’t really understand what they were dealing with. Scientists who haven’t been forthcoming about their ignorance of COVID’s novel characteristics and politicians looking to use COVID to further their own political ends have resulted in America pushing itself too far, too fast, especially in re-opening.
The result? A second surge of COVID-19 related cases that has led to record numbers of deaths, compared to other nations.
The Fantasy of a “Return to Normal”
“When all of this is over” is a phrase that’s thrown around a lot. But what is “normal?” Do we even want to go back?
Yes, it’s important to have a functioning and healthy society, but why would we want to return to a past that helped get us to where we are right now? Because if anything, COVID is shining a spotlight on all of America’s problems: our racial and class-based inequalities, our politicization of science, or broken healthcare and social welfare systems. To go back to normal means to forget what we’ve learned.
To go back to normal means to forget what we’ve learned.
I, too, often cling to the idea of returning to familiarity in my body, brain, and life. But no matter how fully I may recover, I don’t want to forget what I’ve learned from my injury. It’s important for me to remember the ableism I now recognise in myself, and others, so as to avoid it in the future.
I don’t know where my brain will be a day from now, or a year. Same for the country. But it seems to me that in my own recovery, I need to go beyond the vague call of “embrace uncertainty” and actively seek what guides me towards health and safety. I hope America can do the same!
