The Good Fight

Because Chemo Is Scary Enough Without Wigging Out

After her own cancer treatment, Nancy Riviere started Wig Out, a non-profit dedicated to getting free wigs to women who want one.

In 2014, Nancy Riviere is a brunette, but she’s decided one of her wigs should be blonde. It just seems more fun, and god knows she needs some fun right now. In the wig shop, she sits quietly in front of the mirror watching as the sales clerk pulls the curly, shoulder-length hair piece over her head. Riviere still has her hair, but knows that in just weeks, she’ll be bald.

Riviere, then 41, had just been diagnosed for a second time with invasive ductal carcinoma,the most common type of breast cancer. The diagnosis came just nine months after her last reconstructive surgery, itself following a double mastectomy, and two-and-a half-years after she first found a lump in her left breast.

Nancy Riviere, founder of Wig Out

But this time, she needed chemo, and it was this painful, intimate experience of shopping for a wig that led her to create Wig Out, a non-profit that donates repurposed, high-quality wigs, headscarves and hats to women across the country who’ve lost their hair during chemotherapy.

Cancer came into Riviere’s life in May 2012. On vacation over Memorial Day weekend, Riviere, who was 39 at the time, found a small, round, painful mass under her breast while doing a breast self-exam. “At the time, I didn’t go to that place in my brain, that it could be cancer,” says Riviere, a former event planner.

After a series of painful breast biopsies, Riviere learned it was, “I was lying there and crying, and the nurse was holding my hand and telling me ‘it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.’ It just completely rocks you emotionally.”

So when Riviere was diagnosed the second time and told she’d have to have chemo, she wanted to feel prepared.

Riviere knew the drugs would whittle away at her hair. It would start to come out in clumps in the shower; in the mornings, she’d find her pillowcase plastered with wisps that had fallen out overnight. She wanted to be ready for the inevitable, so took a trip to a local wig shop in her hometown of Houston, Texas.

Today, remembering that first experience while she washes donated wigs in the sink of a guest bathroom in her bright and airy mid-century modern home, Riviere remembers her surprise at how little the women there had thought of the experience of women like her.

“It’s a shocking thing to try on wigs knowing you’re going to be bald.”

“The women there could not have been nicer, but the experience was scary, sad and somber,” she says, as long brown locks, blonde bobs and salt and pepper ‘dos drip dry from hangers hooked over the shower rod. “It’s a shocking thing to try on wigs knowing you’re going to be bald,” she says. “No one at the store had been through the experience herself. No one had walked the walk.”

Nancy and hair dresser when she got her head shaved for the first time.

It was then that a fuzzy idea popped into Riviere’s head. What if she could somehow help women in the same situation as herself feel different—comforted, reassured, and perhaps a little more confident and uplifted, despite the horrible circumstance they were in?

Several weeks later, Riviere sat in a barber’s chair at MD Anderson Cancer Center. She wore her signature cherry red lipstick, a mainstay throughout her treatment. It made her feel alive and put together. Her hair was patchy now, and she knew it was time to shave her head. When the volunteer hairdresser offered her a free wig, Riviere had already bought one, so instead, she asked if she could give it to her friend’s housekeeper, who had also recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.

“It changed her world,” Riviere says. “She couldn’t afford to buy a wig. It gave her the tools to face life and get back to work with pride and self-confidence. It restored her. I knew then there was really something to my idea. Something needed to be done.”

“It changed her world. She couldn’t afford to buy a wig. It restored her.”

For so many women, wigs are cost prohibitive. It’s not uncommon to shell out hundreds to thousands of dollars for a high-quality wig made of human hair, and they’re not covered by insurance. With lost days of work and stacks of healthcare bills eating away at income, many women have to make tough choices, between clothes and school supplies for their children or a wig for themselves. A wig won’t be the right choice for every woman, but studies show that hair loss, which can last for up to a year after treatment, is one of the most traumatic parts of cancer. If a wig can be the difference between a woman with cancer having the courage to face another day of treatment, and feeling alone and vulnerable, Riviere felt it should not be denied her.

Weeks after Riviere parted with her first wig, she gave her blonde number (which she never felt quite right in) to a woman she met during radiation. “It was just tears and tears, the two of us standing in front of the elevator at the clinic,” she says. The ability to help someone when they’re really on their knees, fighting for their life—that’s what helped lift Riviere up.

Nancy helps a client style her wig.

Wigs gave Riviere a respite from the constant reminder she had cancer, while Wig Out gave her a reason to keep going when she wasn’t sure she would survive. The next six months of chemotherapy–which included 33 days of radiation treatment, and several surgeries that removed her ovaries and fallopian tubes–were extremely trying, but she was motivated by her desire to ultimately help as many fellow women as possible.

Since Wig Out launched in the summer of 2016, Riviere has paired dozens of women with wigs: the non-profit currently  has 150 hair pieces, draped over Styrofoam heads and spilling out of bureau drawers, ready to donate. Riviere receives donated wigs from across the United States, washes them, pairs them with women based on a questionnaire and follow-up phone call, and mails them to the women along with a wig care kit, all for no charge.

Right now, Riviere is still working alone, but she hopes to soon expand the program. Next up for Wig Out? A dedicated office, as well as a fully-stocked van she can use to take her mission mobile, driving it to patients’ treatment facilities where women can receive a wig on the spot. “This can be easily replicated in cities across the world,” Riviere says. “I see it going there, I know it will.”

“Service to others really gets you out of your own head,” she adds. “ It’s so healing. And it takes just a little bit to help someone get back on their feet, to reclaim themselves.”


Why I Started “The Huffington Post For Testicles”

For the last two years, K. Thor Jensen has written hundreds of clickbait articles about testicles, every one for a good cause.

They say the mark of a good writer is the ability to spin gold out of straw: to take any topic, no matter how obscure or ridiculous, and turn it into compelling prose that people want to read.

I’m starting to feel like a pretty good writer, because I’ve penned hundreds of words about testicles every day for the past two years.

Sean Kimerling, a New York sportscaster who died of testicular cancer in 2003.

In 2014, the Sean Kimerling Testicular Cancer Foundation had an idea. They’d been successful doing the usual nonprofit stuff–a yearly fun run on Roosevelt Island, a charity golf game–but they wanted a new way to raise awareness for testicular cancer.

The foundation is named after a sportscaster who died at the age of 37 from the disease. I never knew Sean Kimerling, but his hustle was inspiring. After an internship in California, he dubbed 100 videotapes of his on-air work, packed them in a car and visited every station between Los Angeles and New York to ask for a gig.

He got one, in Texas, and eventually parlayed it into a weekend job manning the sports desk at New York’s PIX11, where he won two Emmy Awards. Unfortunately, in 2003 he went to the doctor complaining of back pain and was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It had already spread to his lungs, and he succumbed to infections shortly after.

Testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in men under 25. But it’s also one of the most beatable.

Testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in men under 25. But it’s also one of the most beatable. If detected early, before it spreads from the testicle to another body part, survival rate is a staggering 99%. That goes down if it metastasizes. Since there’s no real way to prevent cancer, most outreach involves catching it before it moves out from the testicles.

You don’t need to go to the doctor to do a preliminary screening for testicular cancer. What you do is reach down, put your index and middle fingers at the base of your testicles, and gently roll them, looking for any lumps or irregularities. It takes about a minute.

So the foundation’s goal was simple: get people checking themselves at least once a month.

The problem with their other initiatives is that they were yearly affairs. So they made a big impact, got some press, and then faded into memory. They wanted something that got testicular awareness in front of people day in and day out, to remind them to do that one minute check.

The winning idea was the Ball Report, a site that they pitched to me as “the Huffington Post, but for balls.”

With a topline like that, I couldn’t say no.

The winning idea was a site they pitched to me as “the Huffington Post, but for balls.” With a topline like that, I couldn’t say no.

I signed on with the foundation in early 2015. Together, we developed a business plan for the site. We quickly realized that a 100% testicle-focused site would run out of material pretty quickly, so we started brainstorming what would be under the umbrella. Testicular stories, sure, but also stories of “ballsy” behavior. Sports, as long as the ball was the focus of the piece. Ball pits. Energy balls. Balls of snakes. You get the idea.

We knew when we launched the site that “come read about testicular cancer every day” wasn’t going to generate a lot of traffic. So we had to balance the mission-centric content with other ball-related clickbait.

It worked.

The homepage of the Ball Report mixes cancer awareness content with clickbait-style articles.

As I write this, I’ve created 1,073 posts for the Ball Report. We’ve had some tremendous content successes, stories that have been read hundreds of thousands of times.

When a viral story about a gang member dying after spray-painting his testicles gold started to spread, I was one of the first to debunk it and trace “his” mugshot back to another story.

I wrote a dense history of the practice of “teabagging” in video games, that ubiquitous first-person shooter taunt where you rapidly crouch over a fallen opponent’s head.

I interviewed an entrepreneur who was Kickstarting a bulletproof jockstrap inspired by a particularly brutal groin shot during a UFC fight.

The powerful thing about working on the Ball Report is that we have proof that awareness can translate into action, and that can translate into saving lives.

And it’s not all testicles, either. When I work on the site, I look outside the bag to find clickable, fun stuff that I can still tie back to the mission. After I saw an old comic book ad for Madballs, the grotesque 80s bouncing toys modeled to look like movie monsters, I put together a history of their production and marketing. I also shared my picks for the best pinball machines ever made, and profiled a Florida man who claims to have made $15 million retrieving golf balls.

Lots of medical nonprofits tout “awareness” as something that they provide. But for many diseases, “awareness” is a pretty useless metric. The powerful thing about working on the Ball Report is that we have proof that awareness can translate into action, and that can translate into saving lives. Every single post comes with a bold and unmissable sidebar advertisement, a picture of a denim-clad cowboy gripping his crotch and exhorting you to check yours. And we can track exactly how many people come to our non-profit because of our ball-related clickbait.

The thing with testicles is that they’re not easy to talk about. What’s interesting about talking to testicular cancer survivors is how open they are about their illness, even though it involves one of their body’s most private parts.

I’m not the only one out there transforming testicular cancer into creative inspiration. I’ve been lucky to profile multiple people who survived the disease and came forward about it.

Canadian artist Mathieu Francoeur struggled with his treatment, having to stay out of direct sunlight because chemotherapy weakened his immune system so badly. Confined to his garage, he produced a series of paintings that used materials from his hospital stays on the canvas. A show of the work raised money to pay for his hospital stays.

Surviving testicular cancer is a crucible–it burns away the embarrassment of talking about your testicles to the world.

I was inspired by the story of Josif Nolan, a British guy who was diagnosed at the age of 14 and had one of his testicles removed. He was seriously embarrassed and traumatized about his body for years afterwards, but bit the bullet when he was scouted by a modeling agency. Now he poses–even in the nude–for multiple global brands.

Even Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas, one of the most prominent testicular cancer cases of the last few years, wrote a song called “Fight” about his journey.

Surviving testicular cancer is a crucible–it burns away the embarrassment of talking about your testicles to the world. The people I’ve written about have come out the other side galvanized to share what they learned and help prevent other people from going through it.

I’ve been writing professionally for two decades now, for dozens of different clients. I bring my best to every job, no matter what the subject. But this is more than a job to me. It’s allowed me, without suffering from testicular cancer myself, to join a fraternity of men who are using their ordeal to help other people. Each and every one of us is looking to save somebody’s life–no matter how uncomfortable it makes people–one ball at a time.

Illustration by Shannon Wheeler.


Fighting Cancer Among The Q’eqchi’

After years spent fighting for the rights of native Guatemalans, Liza Grandia is applying an anthropologist's skillset to her own cancer.

Guatemala’s second largest indigenous group, the Q’eqchi’, are a justifiably proud people. Their traditional lands constitute the only Mayan territory never conquered by the Spanish. Q’eqchi’, also the name of their language, is the most widely spoken Mayan tongue in Guatemala.

Liza Grandia today.

Liza Grandia, an American anthropologist, first fell in love with Q’eqchi’ culture in 1993 during her undergraduate studies at Yale. Going on to live with a a Q’eqchi’ family in Guatemala for four years, she returned to write her dissertation, staying for another three years.

Living with the Q’eqchi’ is not an easy lifestyle. “Petén, Guatemala is a pretty rough place to work — heat, mosquitoes, parasites galore, dust, poor roads, bad water, and little to no sanitation,” says Grandia. But she took it in stride, because she believed her work, focusing on environmental justice and agricultural conflict, was important. While there, she even helped assist the Q’eqchi’  defend themselves from land grabs triggered by a World Bank loan.

I was horrified that no one was working on these issues.

Nine years ago, after returning to the United States after seven years of living in rural Guatemala, she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma. Grandia believes that the cancer likely grew out of her long term exposure to pesticides and other toxic contaminants found around the villages she lived in–several large resource extraction projects operated nearby.

Though there is no official registry of such data, Grandia believes that chemical exposure among the Q’eqchi’ is likely high. Grandia herself kept a detailed record of the pesticides she was exposed to. “I was interested because I was horrified that no one was working on these issues,” she says.

The diagnosis, which effectively ended Grandia’s career as a field researcher, set her on an intellectual journey investigating this issue: how chemical exposure might be quietly poisoning us. She was surprised to find that environmental factors were generally not considered in cancer diagnoses. When she informed multiple oncologists about her likely contaminations in Guatemala they were simply “not interested in the information,” she says. Her concerns have carried on into her new academic research.

“I’m interested in making that loop, the complete circle of poison back to our lives, the ways in which we inadvertently poison ourselves.”

Earlier last month Grandia was awarded a Mellon Foundation grant for $270,000 to study toxicology and environmental epidemiology at the University of California, Davis, where she is director of the Indigenous Research Center of the Americas. “I’m interested in making that loop, the complete circle of poison back to our lives, the ways in which we inadvertently poison ourselves,” she says. She also continues to work remotely with the Q’eqchi’ on a number of environmental legal cases as an expert witness.

Folks spoke with Grandia to find out more.

Much of your current work was influenced by your own medical situation. Can you please take us back to your diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with a very aggressive lymphoma the day before my 35th birthday. I had a lump spreading on the top of my chest through my collar bone that grew from zero to ten centimeters in about a month. It was actually my first year as a professor. I was in my first tenure track job and right at the beginning of the second semester. Because the cancer was so aggressive either the chemotherapy would work or I had about two months, according to the oncologist. I haven’t really led an academic life outside of that reality.

That occurred in 2008. There hadn’t been a six month period between 1993 and 2008 that I hadn’t spent time in Guatemala. Sometimes it would be two or three years on end. So that was an abrupt shift for me to not be able to go to Guatemala for the better part of five years.

What first drew you to anthropology and why does it drive you? Why did you start focusing on the Q’eqchi’?  

I was drawn to anthropology by the practicing anthropologists I met when I first went to Guatemala in 1993.  I liked the kinds of questions they asked.  They always seemed to have a quirky angle on whatever the proverbial elephant was in any given meeting room. That said, I did what no student should ever do: apply to graduate school in a field in which you’ve only taken one introductory class. Luckily for me, anthropology is my life’s calling and I landed at UC-Berkeley with the best possible mentor in the field, Dr. Laura Nader.

I was drawn to anthropology as a discipline for understanding problems of corporate globalization because I felt more than any other social science it had genuinely and honestly wrestled with its colonial past.

I was drawn to anthropology… because I felt more than any other social science it had genuinely and honestly wrestled with its colonial past.

In the four years I spent in Guatemala before graduate school, I had lived with a Q’eqchi’ family, worked in Q’eqchi’ communities, but had not yet learned the language.  For my dissertation work, I committed to this and was rewarded with so many new understandings of Q’eqchi’ lifeways and worldview. This is a continually deepening process. Decades later, Q’eqchi’ healing and ceremony is helping me understand what I am meant to do as anthropologist.

In Maya cosmovision, a good life is one in which a person finds and fills her destiny. When you get a life-threatening illness like cancer, a person tends to question everything. What’s the point of all that suffering?  What am I going to make of that experience?  It’s taken me almost a decade to understand my path forward.

Has studying the way other cultures approach illness helped you in any way handle your own?

Absolutely. I never even considered putting all my eggs in the allopathic basket.  Chinese medicine (acupuncture and qigong) were central to my recovery.  The Mesoamerican tradition of sauna has been the cornerstone of my healing of chemical sensitivities. That said, it’s also a healing modality of Europe. You find many similar healing modalities that arise in disparate places at different times. Some old Maya healers practice a kind of acupuncture with sharpened bones, and they use very similar points to Chinese doctors. So I read copiously across many medical traditions and look for commonalities or comparable success stories.

What was your initial healing process like?

I had just moved to a new town, Worcester, MA. I didn’t really have a network of support, didn’t know where to go for treatment. From the very beginning I felt that the best way to cure myself was to be very public about my cancer. Some people take it very privately, like a scourge on themselves. But I never blamed myself. I sent out an email to 300 people asking ‘What do I do?’ Through that I pieced together connections to very good doctors.

I had long been an activist and worked with social movements. I’m very good at organizing on behalf of others but I’d never actually organized for myself. I took this as ‘How do I connect the people I know and use my intellectual firepower to heal myself?’ I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in one basket. I did chemo and radiation because it was a very acute cancer, but I also tapped into a lot of alternative therapies.

From the very beginning I felt that the best way to cure myself was to be very public about my cancer.

My original surgeon in Worcester wanted to try to cut out the tumor. I found out later that surgery would have killed me because it would have delayed the chemo and caused the cancer to spread. The night before the surgery a friend convinced me not to go. I called the hospital and cancelled. The doctor actually threatened me and said if I didn’t go through with the surgery I’d never be allowed back in that hospital again. I didn’t have health insurance to any other hospital so it was a leap of faith at that point. I had not seen any other specialists. Happily I found another oncologist. For six months I underwent chemo and radiation. I have been in remission ever since.
What kind of alternative medicines did you tackle during your recovery? Did you feel more open minded about such treatments because of your training as an anthropologist?

Grandia during chemotherapy.

I mentioned saunas above. Healing is multi-layered and what works for one person at one time may not work for another. To be honest, I wasted a lot of money on supplements, though a few have been helpful. The most healing things have been the least expensive, and good, organic whole food is medicine in itself. Qigong was the cornerstone of my recovery from cancer and gave me an understanding of how to induce a relaxation response or shift the autonomic nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic state. When I fell ill with chemical sensitivity, for awhile, I focused heavily on detoxing and replenishing minerals. Then I worked on my lymphatic system and found old-fashioned castor oil packs and dry brushing to be transformative. I worked with western doctors to address glutathione deficiencies — glutathione is a master antioxidant and chemical exposures can deplete your store of them. I’ve always had a healthy diet, but I started learning about the brain-gut connection and probiotic foods and drinks made a difference in my cognitive function. Then I started learning about the limbic system and how to condition the amygdala not to go into flight-or-fight response so much. That is very much a work in process.

What has been your life been like in remission and how did your diagnosis change your academic and activist work?

Over the last nine years I haven’t gone six months without having a terrifying cancer relapse scare. It’s over but it’s never over. You never have a normal headache as a cancer survivor. One can never accuse a cancer survivor of hypochondria.

Five years ago I moved here to UC Davis. Given that I was in questionable environmental circumstances before the diagnosis it definitely caused me to reflect on the questionable long term exposure over a lifetime.

It’s over but it’s never over. You never have a normal headache as a cancer survivor.

What cancer researchers are finding is what they call a multi-hit model of cancer. The prior imagination of cancer was that there was this one thing that gave it to you, like asbestos or smoking gave you lung cancer. Increasingly it appears that many of the genetic transformations and things that happen at the cellular level which impair the body’s ability to repair itself can come from something that occurs over many, many steps. In fact the oncologist told me right away that because the cancer I had was so particularly aggressive, the mutation it had would have required a series of things to have gone wrong.

Is that when you made the link with Guatemala?

In my field work in Guatemala I was working with farming families. I was worried about the pesticides being used so I had been tracking them. I had a list of all the pesticides that were being used in the villages I’d lived in. I had done some initial research on that and presented a paper in Guatemala because the international organizations were really focused on biodiversity and didn’t really care about human health–there’s not a lot of information about the dangers of pesticides in Guatemala. So I was definitely aware of the connection with pesticides when I was diagnosed.

After diagnosis, with not being able to expose myself to pesticides, which, with rural fieldwork in Guatemala, there’s no way to avoid it–they stored pesticide tanks next to the bed in the hut I was staying in, for instance– it was clear I wasn’t going to be able to do that old fashioned anthropology anymore. I was thinking about how I could reinvent my work so I could be effective from my desk. Indigenous people are online and organizing in extraordinary ways, making use of digital tools. I had been thinking a lot of how I could be of use to indigenous groups facing environmental struggles without actually having to physically go. I knew that I had to learn the language of toxicology and policy, so I applied for this Mellon New Direction fellowship.

What was the link you saw between your diagnosis and your previous agro-environmental work in Mesoamerica?  

When you do chemotherapy, some of the drugs are so toxic that the nurses have to put on partial hazmat suits–an extra full gown, masks, thick rubber gloves–to actually handle the needles and the bags that they’re putting in your IV. You’re voluntarily poisoning yourself to hopefully get well. I had been, in the lead up to chemo, revising my book for publication in Guatemala about the World Bank inducing land grabs. The key legal principle which we were trying to use to stop the expansion of this World Bank project to the rest of the Q’eqchi’ Maya territory to the south was that the Bank had expanded the project without consulting the indigenous communities. They had violated the international legal principle of “free prior informed consent.”

After my diagnosis, I began thinking about that and then thinking of the possible causes of cancer, of the chemicals that we all have in our bloodstream without our consent. People in the United States are crazy about trespassing and privacy but don’t think about the things that corporations have put into the environment and then travel inevitably into our water and bodies, full circle.

I followed all the rules, like a lot of people who get cancer. But the institutions are looking at how to blame the individual rather than the… corporate economy.

I started tracking the companies that were responsible for the two main herbicides to which I know I had been exposed: glyphosate and 24-D. Monsanto makes glyphosate and 24-D was once manufactured by Monsanto and now Dow Chemical.

This was part of my externalizing the causes of my cancer. Folks have written a lot of literature about positive healing, but it sort of implies that you gave yourself cancer by thinking negatively. In the 1970s there was thought to be a type of person who got cancer–stressed and so forth. All of the American Cancer Society literature is about behavioral causes: you drank too much, you’re overweight. But I was a vegan, organic eating, exercising person–I followed all the rules, like a lot of people who get cancer. But the institutions are looking at how to blame the individual rather than the broader structural forces of the corporate economy. That’s when I began to think of the concept of “chemical trespass”, which led me to research about everyday chemicals in our bloodstreams.

What are your key goals going forward with furthering your activism and research?

I continue to do lots of pro bono expert witness work on behalf of Q’eqchi’ peoples. I think that scientists on campus have that capacity to do pro bono science work from their laboratories, if there is interest in it, but they don’t have a social connection. So I see myself as a connector. I hope to have a system and network and way of connecting groups that are facing emergency and environmental threats. They need to be able to connect with environmental scientists to get the soil, water and air quality studies that are needed to bring their cases before a judge. They need evidence, hard core evidence. Most native and indigenous communities don’t need anthropologists anymore to document their culture–they’re doing that themselves. But they do need connections to entities of power.

Top photo of a Guatemalan woman provided by Creative Commons license by Stefano Ravalli.


Meet Mexico City’s Amputee Grammar Queen

After losing her leg to cancer, Paulina Chavira turned to her passion for grammar to make sense of the world.

Paulina Chavira, Mexico City’s grammar queen, is sitting in her office, having another fight on Twitter.

“People often get angry with me, saying things like ‘how can you correct me?’” she says. But Paulina feels driven. It’s just one of many interactions she’ll have online on a regular day. But not all are negative – Paulina gets comments and questions from educators, writers and the media, calling on her to advise them on issues of punctuation usage, accents, structure and more.

Being grammar queen is something of a new gig for Chavira. But she’s always had a passion for words.

Chavira checks Twitter.

In July 2013, when Paulina was 33 and had her first son began kindergarten, she read a tweet revealing that Mexico’s education ministry was going to accept public school textbooks into the country’s classrooms even though they were riddled with errors – 117 errors, to be exact. She took to Twitter to express her outrage, thinking, “How can this happen?” So she tweeted to her 400 followers.

The following day, major Mexican media outlets picked up on the issue, harshly criticizing the ministry for allowing a textbook with so many mistakes into public schools. But Paulina’s ire towards grammar mistakes isn’t just aimed one way. The day after, Paulina identified another issue, tweeting back to media sources: “Media outraged with 117 spelling errors in the textbooks of the SEP, but indifferent to those they commit daily.”

The sudden attention got Paulina thinking. In Mexico, as elsewhere, Twitter is a big way that people get their news and information. She asked herself how she could use Twitter to promote proper grammar, and came up with the idea of a Twitter database where Spanish speakers could check spelling and grammar. Armed with the @117errores handle, the result was NoMás117errores, or “No more 117 errors”, a direct reference to the 117 grammar errors found in the schoolbooks.

The grammar bug got Paulina in high school. That was also the year she was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in her right knee. When Paulina started her chemotherapy in May 1997, she was having a hard time thinking of the future at all. Paulina thought it was bad enough that she might lose her hair, but soon, there was talk of amputating leg… talk that became a fearful reality after she woke up from her final leg surgery on September 29th, 1997 to just one foot and the indescribable experience of phantom limb pain.

“More painful than all of the surgeries was trying to stand again for the first time,” Paulina remembers. With the help of a few dedicated teachers, Paulina stayed on top of her schoolwork. Her parents, meanwhile, were an incredible support system. “You are more than just your leg,” they repeated, a constant refrain. “You are an entire human being.”

Paulina Chavira in Japan while working for Marlo and his team.

“You are more than just your leg,” they repeated, a constant refrain. “You are an entire human being.”

Over the next few years, Paulina ran the gamut of fears regarding her transition. “How will people look at me? Will I ever get married and have kids? Will I ever dance again?” Making matters worse was her prosthetic leg, a model unchanged since World War II.

When she went to college, she chose journalism as a major, and it was there that her love of writing and grammar became a passion. “Writing was a way I found to pour out all the pain and anger I had after my leg was amputated,” she remembers.

While studying at Tecnológico de Monterrey, Paulina’s antediluvian prosthetic was still causing her problems doing simple things like walking long distances and wearing her normal clothes.

Her father heard about a prosthetic engineer, Marlo Ortiz, over the radio. A man who was revolutionizing the anatomical socket, the interface where the residual limb goes into the prosthetic. The Marlo Anatomical Socket (MAS), was developed with the engineer mindset to provide more skeletal support and be aesthetically more human-like in the gluteal region. Paulina worked closely with his team, testing the new technology, and eventually getting her own advanced prosthetic.

“There was life before Marlo, and life after Marlo,” says Paulina. Not only did he supply her with an advanced prosthetic, but he taught her to use it for the first time. It renewed her confidence. “For the first time I thought, maybe I should try this, while before, I automatically thought: No, I can’t,” she remembers.

This confidence encouraged her to study abroad in Spain, there she finally felt like she really accepted her metamorphosis. “Up until that point, I had never really faced that I had lost a leg.” But abroad, it was was impossible to skirt around the issue. Her new friends asked about it, and as they asked about her missing leg, Paulina stopped being ashamed.

“For the first time I thought, maybe I should try this, while before, I automatically thought: No, I can’t.”

She returned from Spain with newfound independence, and she was asked to join Marlo and his team as a full-time Media Coordinator and Patient Model. Full of unique opportunities, she put her journalism career on hold and she traveled to the Czech Republic, South Africa, Japan and more: visiting the factories where they made the prosthetics, using her journalistic skills to do public relations and talk about her experience. While the experience was extraordinary, after more than a year she felt like she was living inside of her experience losing her leg, and felt like it was time to move forward and reconnect with journalism.

Paulina also found love, something she had previously feared when she first lost her leg.

Paulina and her husband Hector dancing at their wedding.

She married Hector, in November of 2006, and they “danced all night.” As for their two young boys, she tries to make the prosthetic leg as normal as possible. “I think the more normal we can be about it the better.” Once her son Mateo even asked, “does everyone’s mom have a prosthetic?”.

Once her son Mateo even asked, “does everyone’s mom have a prosthetic?”

Her influence on Twitter landed her an editorial position with The New York Times en Español and her career goals have grown. She now hopes to finish a Spanish style-guide for news.

Over the years, and despite the trauma experienced during her formative years, Paulina followed her love of language, starting with writing, finding the accessible opportunity of editing in journalism, and ultimately as a grammar force in her editorial position and on Twitter.

Her ultimate pet peeve on Twitter is “when people say ‘it’s not well written but you understand me.’ And I can’t understand why they don’t see the importance that it’s written correctly.” Paulina believes in the power of language and grammar. She says: “I love my language, I love to write it correctly. It’s a weapon. A peaceful weapon.”

The Good Fight

The Healing Power Of Music Medicine

When being sick in the hospital is getting kids down, this charity saves the day by kicking up the jams.

One of the most potent measures of healing doesn’t come from a person’s lab results, but from their level of happiness. Recognizing that treatment comes in many forms, there is a Portland, Oregon-based nonprofit that strives for just that: helping young hospital patients find joy in every challenging moment through the serendipity of live music.

After feeling helpless watching her daughter battle cancer, Regina Ellis wanted to create something she felt would be meaningful to her and her family. She founded the Children’s Cancer Association with which she launched a program called MyMusicRx. which brings well-known artists and top-quality, professional instruments into hospital rooms of critically-ill kids for what she calls “music medicine.” The organization believes that the power of bedside music can have a transformative effect not just on patients and their families, but on caregivers and artists as well.

Folks connected to Ellis on the phone to talk about the power of music in the face of illness, and surviving hardship with love.

Regina Ellis of the Children’s Cancer Association and

I’m excited to talk to you about MyMusicRx because I’ve admired what you have accomplished with this project. I would love to hear more of its backstory.

As you may know, the Children’s Cancer Association is the only organization of our kind in the nation working to position joy as a best practice in children’s hospitals.

The project started because of a very personal experience battling cancer with my eldest daughter, Alexandra. During that time, I was inspired by the way Alexandra oriented her head and heart towards life. Even though she had a very aggressive disease and spent half of her life in hospital, she really welcomed each day looking for joy in the corners of the hospital room experience, all amidst hardships such as high dose chemotherapy and other surgical procedures. She could always find what was beautiful in that moment.

After Alexandra died in 1995, we brought friends and family around our kitchen table to create an organization that helps kids reduce the stress and anxiety of pain through the power of joy. We were very thoughtful about creating something new in the world: we’re not a chapter organization or a franchise of a national model. We’re a local organization that has spread out across the nation based on need.

I understand that the MyMusicRx program serves the families who are in the hospital, as well as their children. Is your goal to speak directly to the experience of the entire family?

That is correct. We know from experience that being face-to-face with illness impacts the entire family. The whole family is gathered around the hospital room: not just the mom or dad, but the siblings as well. So our goal is that our programs help support and strengthen families, addressing the stress and anxiety not only of the child, but of the individuals around the child.

What was your experience when Alexandra was first diagnosed? How did it impact your family?

Obviously, it had a big impact. This was around 25 years ago, so I was in my late twenties, with two little children and my husband, Cliff. Luckily, we were very lucky to have a big Italian family around us, but cancer was still this unexpected guest in the middle of it. We were very fortunate to have lots of people around us, but it was also a difficult journey. We spent half of every month in the hospital, and the other half recovering and trying to live as much as possible.

Alex created a “To Live” list and wrote down over 30 things that she wanted to do. Things like “make a tie-dye t-shirt” or “bring snickerdoodles to the neighbors” or “have a fun pizza party.” We made a point of checking them all off, even though we were in the hospital.

Some of those simple things were really beautiful. The last thing on Alex’s list was: “Have a root beer float in one of those huge icy mugs.” She did that the day before she died.

So that was the mission, I think, we were given. To figure out a way to live alongside of cancer that gave us hope and allowed us to be a family. And after Alex died, to think about bringing that healing power of joy to other seriously ill kids around the country and the world. Because kids need more than medicine.

24 years ago, you need to remember there was no platform for music in hospitals. You might have some carolers during the holidays, or a special show when an artist came to the community, but otherwise there was nothing. We pioneered what that looked like.

In addition to holding bedside concerts, MyMusicRx brings instruments to patients.

Were you already thinking about MyMusicRx when you were in the hospital with Alexandra, or is this something that came later?

We saw the power of music in our own family over many years at the hospital. People brought their guitars and harmonicas and violins and voices, and we would gather around the hospital bed, playing, almost like you’re sitting around a campfire. The doctors, nurses, even other families would come in and join that. The power to transform these moments from ones about disease into ones about being human beings through the power of music was profound.

I’ve had similar experiences with my travels through healing and hospitals. I think the music idea is so powerful because it doesn’t take a lot to come into a room with an instrument and play for someone who is not feeling very well.

Twenty-some years ago, people told us: “This will never work. Are you kidding? We’re in a hospital here. Instruments aren’t going to help. There’s no way.” But little by little, we began to demonstrate that our program worked to reduce pain and stress.

Music is simple. We thought in terms of what a child or family needed. “Hey, this kid has a respiratory issue so we’re going to bring in an instrument that helps them with their breathing.” or “Hey, this kid needs to move their arm after surgery to strengthen their arm.”

MyMusicRx is the only program that extends a digital musical program that brings the bedside experience online, 24/7. It’s now available to about 7,500 kids and over 25 pediatric hospitals across the country. If kids want music at 2:00AM, we bring it to them then.

Was music a big part of your life before MyMusicRx?

I was certainly a fan. I wouldn’t call myself a musician but I’m just pretty damn good with a tambourine. *laughs* But I had the privilege of having incredible musicians provide the soundtrack to my life, so when the time came, it was easy to see the power that music could provide to deliver healing to kids in a different way.

We believe that the best things are the simplest things. Whether it is five or thirty minutes a day, we believe these small musical interactions are just critical for kids who are facing life-threatening or terminal illnesses.

That’s awesome. So how can people get involved? How can they help?

 Whether you’re a band member, a volunteer, or a patient, the best way to connect with us is to go to If there’s something in your community, we can connect you, and if not, we’ll help you start one. Just reach out! We’ll help in any way we can to share music and joy to people in need.

The Good Fight

Fighting Cancer In A Country Without A Word For It

Philippa Kibugu-Decuir aims to prevent breast cancer deaths in East Africa using a survivor’s most powerful weapon: knowledge.

Teaching is, and always has been, Philippa Kibugu-Decuir’s calling: from the time she was a little girl giving lessons to her playmates, to her combined 28 years teaching English and Special Education in Houston, TX.

It’s fitting, then, that the motto that steers the efforts of the nonprofit organization she founded, Breast Cancer Initiative East Africa (BCIEA), is “Knowledge Is Power.”

“Knowledge liberates people from ignorance, poverty, and disease,” Kibugu-Decuir says. “Learning is a privilege in Africa, the only way out of poverty. Teachers are highly respected.”

Operating in both the U.S. and Rwanda, BCIEA’s mission is to improve and save the lives of low-income women in East Africa by providing access to information about breast cancer prevention, detection, diagnosis, and treatment. By conducting awareness campaigns and training local breast cancer survivors and volunteers to educate their neighbors, BCIEA combats misinformation and increases breast cancer awareness one person at a time, one village at a time.

Philippa Kigubu-Decuir, founder of the Breast Cancer Initiative East Africa,

Kibugu-Decuir has strong personal ties to central East Africa. Born in Rwanda, she was raised and educated in Uganda. Her two children were born in Kenya. Much of her extended family lives in Tanzania. Such close-knit ties to such a vast region have influenced Kibugu-Decuir’s approach.

“Initially I wanted to start very small,” she says, “but things changed when I realized that the magnitude of my message could not be limited. I could not deny any of them a chance to hear life-saving messages about reducing their risk of breast cancer.”

Kibugu-Decuir launched BCIEA in 2008 using Rwanda as an incubator to develop her strategy and programs, with plans to replicate her successes in neighboring countries.

Even with a focus on a single country, however, disseminating accurate breast cancer information in the region has proven a steep uphill battle.

A Foe Without A Name

Since the 1980s, breast cancer awareness as a health and social advocacy movement has become such an ingrained part of the collective American mindset that a basic understanding of and about breast cancer is almost assumed as a given. The absence of breast cancer knowledge that preceded this decades’ old push in the U.S., however, still exists in much of East African culture.

Thus, when we talk about the need for breast cancer awareness in East Africa, Kibugu-Decuir says, we’re talking about a medical and social issue steeped in “ignorance, misinformation, myths, silence, and stigma.”

We’re talking about a medical and social issue steeped in ignorance, misinformation, myths, silence, and stigma.

In Rwanda, for example which she says is indicative of the larger East African region breast cancer was initially viewed as a disease exclusive to rich white people. Lumps and breast anomalies in black women were rather viewed as a curse, deserving of fear, shame, guilt, and ostracization.

Women who’ve had breasts removed through mastectomy (the standard treatment in Rwanda) may be considered insufficient, incomplete, or “damaged goods.” Kibugu-Decuir points to a regional curse indicative of the social and cultural stigma associated with breast cancer: “May you have your mother’s breasts cut off.”

The problem is often compounded by a belief that talking about a subject can bring it upon oneself. Rwandan women have told Kibugu-Decuir, “You can’t talk about [breast cancer]. If you talk about it, it’s going to be contagious. People will shun you.”

In fact, Kibugu-Decuir notes, Rwanda’s national language, Kinyarwanda, has no word for cancer.

These issues of avoidance and misinformation, coupled with widespread poverty, illiteracy, and severely limited or no access to screening and cancer care services like mammography, radiation, and chemotherapy, contribute to incorrect and delayed diagnoses. Many women in Rwanda and East Africa don’t know they have breast cancer until the disease has reached an advanced stage.

Rwanda’s national language, Kinyarwanda, has no word for cancer.

With early detection and treatment, however, many of these deaths might be prevented. “We are working hard to convince Rwandans and East Africans that breast cancer is not a death sentence, does not discriminate, knows no boundaries, and that men, too, can have it,” Kibugu-Decuir says.

So how do you get people talking about an issue just the mention of which may be considered fatal?

The first step, she says, is to earn people’s trust. In this, Kibugu-Decuir has a special advantage. Not only does she speak the language and have ties to the region: she also has strong personal ties to the breast cancer experience herself.

Kibugu-Decuir’s history with breast cancer, however, doesn’t actually begin with her own diagnosis. It begins with that of her eldest sister, Mabel.

In East Africa, breast cancer is often viewed as either a curse, or an affliction that only effects white women. Neither is true.

A Difference in Diagnoses

Mabel was rarely sick, Kibugu-Decuir says, and, like her contemporaries, knew little about breast cancer. Unfortunately neither did her doctors.

When Mabel fell ill in the mid-1980s, there were no cancer care services or support groups in the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s capital city of Lubumbashi where she lived. There were no early detection screenings. There were, in fact, no oncologists. To the medical establishment at the time, Mabel’s illness was a mystery.

By the time she was airlifted to London for surgery, the cancer had already spread to her liver. Mabel died of metastatic breast cancer in 1986.

“It’s been 31 years since Mabel died, yet it’s like yesterday,” Kibugu-Decuir says. “Her death left us with an incredible, gnawing pain. It would end up being the catalyst for starting BCIEA.”

Philippa knitting.

Mabel’s experience is typical of many East African patients still. By comparison, Kibugu-Decuir says, her own diagnosis and treatment in the U.S. eight years later “was a breeze.”

“Unlike my sister, by the time I got my diagnosis in 1994, I had excellent health insurance,” she says. “I was an informed patient. My cancer was detected early. I had an excellent team of doctors and a strong support system that included my family, church, and members of a breast cancer support group.”

Kibugu-Decuir underwent a double mastectomy with reconstruction and chemotherapy. For all the resulting side effects including pain, hair loss, nausea, and despair she recognized the advantages of her situation. Unlike her sister, Kibugu-Decuir had options. She had hope.

The dichotomy between her experience and her sister’s left Kibugu-Decuir with two nagging questions. Would Mabel still be alive if she had lived in the U.S.? Should where someone lives determine if they live or die?

Spreading the Word

Disturbed by these questions, Kibugu-Decuir determined to do something to disentangle cancer survival from the sheer luck of geography. To raise money for a fact-finding mission to Rwanda in 2007, she sold off some of her clothes at a silent auction held in her living room.

Despite a population of more than 10 million at the time, Rwanda had zero oncologists, or any form of cancer screening, treatment, or palliative care, Kibugu-Decuir says. Of 10 doctors she surveyed on her fact-finding trip, only two had ever even heard of breast cancer. She also met a group of 27 women whose “mind-boggling” cancer experiences encapsulated the need for action.

Each of the women had had at least one breast removed by the equivalent of a family doctor or general practitioner. None had received pain medication or post-surgery follow-up care. One woman’s doctor had removed the wrong breast, but she was unwilling to undergo a second surgery, preferring the inevitability of death with one breast intact.

Kibugu-Decuir describes these women as desolate, frail, and frightened. They held no hope for survival. Rather, they told her, “We’re just waiting to see who will go first.”

If women couldn’t access the information needed to keep them alive, then the information needed to go to them.

Kibugu-Decuir’s instincts as an educator kicked in. If women couldn’t access the information needed to keep them alive, then the information needed to go to them. Kibugu-Decuir and therefore BCIEA had to take the message to the people.

Kibugu-Decuir trained the 27 women to become BCIEA’s first village ambassadors, carrying up-to-date breast cancer information and their experiences to their communities through civic events, church and professional groups, youth programs, and one-on-one’s. By sharing information through already trusted members of these communities, BCIEA facilitates conversation, spreading awareness and helping combat misperceptions that would otherwise silence discussions before they’d ever begun.

“When you are willing to give a bit of yourself, people listen,” Kibugu-Decuir says, “so I talk about myself and my sister. [Mabel] represents them, and they empathize with me, and I can gain their trust. I use the same method to train breast cancer survivors. Once they’re out of the closet, they become our ambassadors among their own people.”

Rwanda has made notable strides in cancer care in recent years. The country now has two oncologists and has opened its first national referral facility in northern Rwanda.

Once [breast cancer survivors are] out of the closet, they become our ambassadors…

But with so little access and information still available to most of the population and the ability to go abroad for treatment restricted to those who can afford it, combating breast cancer for much of the country’s poor rural and urban women is left to the women themselves.

“BCIEA’s goal is to place the Rwandan woman at the steering wheel as the key agent of change,” Kibugu-Decuir says. In the absence of mammography, for example, women are trained how to conduct breast self-exams, empowering them with preventative knowledge for themselves and future generations.

By 2016, 24 of the original 27 village ambassadors had died. But thanks in large part to their efforts, nearly 9000 people had been reached with potentially life-saving information.

Kigubu-Decuir’s work advocating for breast cancer victims has gained her friends around the world.

BCIEA has 17 ambassadors currently active, and Kibugu-Decuir has begun to expand the organization’s reach by way of an app that provides basic breast cancer detection and treatment information.

She is also working to raise enough money to provide one smartphone loaded with the app to each of 250 Rwandan villages. She estimates 250 ambassadors each equipped with a smartphone have the potential to reach up to 200,000 people.

“If I can get support for [the One Smartphone Per Village program], we can exponentially cover the whole country with awareness,” Kibugu-Decuir says. The program also lays the groundwork for expansion into Uganda, Kenya, and Tanzania.

Successes Big and Small

While BCIEA’s primary focus is to increase survival through early detection, the organization also works to support women during and after diagnosis. In this way, Kibugu-Decuir’s education efforts turn from the preventative to the practical.

This past October, for example, Kibugu-Decuir worked with Barbara Demorest (whom Folks featured last summer) to bring Demorest and volunteers from Demorest’s organization, Knitted Knockers, to Rwanda to teach 30 local women how to knit yarn-based breast prosthetics.

As part of the trip, “[Kibugu-Decuir] organized events, connected with key hospital personnel, met with [Rwanda’s] Minister of Health, and worked tirelessly to accomplish her mission,” Demorest says. “Philippa’s heart and focused purpose of spreading breast cancer awareness to the women of East Africa is so inspiring and contagious. The country is fortunate to have such a great advocate for their women.”

Although Kibugu-Decuir emphasizes that she’s “a teacher, not a politician,” BCIEA collaborates closely on activities and events with Rwanda’s Ministry of Health and Non-Communicable Diseases Department. She has also met with Parliamentarians and Rwanda’s First Lady.

Members of Breast Cancer Initiative East Africa and Knitted Knockers have teamed up to make knit prosthetics for women who have had mastectomies.

Kibugu-Decuir would love to live to see a cure for breast cancer and hopes to see the government expand its infrastructure further to help turn more diagnoses in Rwanda into survival stories like her own. She was declared cancer-free five years after her diagnosis and has since celebrated what she calls her 22nd “survisary.”

But she recognizes that success can also result by simply shining a light on the problem. As an example, she cites a crying woman who ran up to her last year, telling her, “You saved my life.”

“I said, ‘No, I didn’t,’” Kibugu-Decuir relates. “‘Actually, yes, you did,’ she said.”

In 2008, the crying woman had been diagnosed with breast cancer but had been denied a visa to go abroad for surgery: the government refused to grant medical visas to anyone who could be treated inside Rwanda. Barred from leaving the country, the woman resigned herself to die.

Then she came across an article Kibugu-Decuir had written that same year, urging Rwanda’s government to establish a policy to address the country’s need for cancer care services and clearly articulating the absence of available treatment options.

That article became the key the woman needed to open the door to treatment. The woman returned to the embassy with Kibugu-Decuir’s article in-hand, Kibugu-Decuir says, “and they gave her a visa.”

“Even if I don’t do any more, I’ve touched one life,” she says. “My sister is smiling up there, wherever she is. That’s the kind of little thing that makes what you do worthwhile.”

The Good Fight

For The Chronically Ill, A Ringing Canyon Of Light

Something powerful happens when, from out of the abyss of the Internet, a voice like your own echoes back to you: “You are not alone.”

In the days following her husband’s cancer diagnosis, Renata Louwers went online in search of help. As far as responses to cancer go, this one was fairly banal. She didn’t go into denial, or try to escape, buying a zoo or a one-way ticket to the Great Pyramids. She double-clicked the browser icon on her laptop and typed “metastatic bladder cancer” into the winking search bar.  

Where she ended up was Inspire, a social health network with moderated discussion forums that teams up with organizations like the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network to provide patients support for whatever condition they’re facing. With over one million members posting about conditions ranging from psoriasis to ALS, Inspire may just be the Internet’s largest health support network.

Renata’s Story

At first, Renata was intimidated by the openness of the community she had discovered. To people who didn’t grow up on the Internet, like Renata, members of close-knit digital communities can seem remarkably cavalier about sharing the most intimate details of their lives… and there’s nothing more intimate than cancer. “People seemed to overshare. It was off-putting at first,” she remembers.

Told he had as little as six months left to live, Renata’s husband, Ahmad, favored his privacy and chose to remain offline altogether as he dealt with his new diagnosis. But as Renata put her career as an auditor for the city of San Jose on hold to care for her husband, she found herself increasingly isolated by her husband’s diagnosis. She explains to me over the phone, “You can talk to your friends and family, and of course they’re supportive, but nobody really understands it.”

Renata and her husband Ahmad

Renata returned for help. In the subsequent days, she joined Inspire’s bladder cancer support network. Her reason for signing up was straightforward. “The more desperate you are, the more you’re in need, the less you care [about oversharing]. I just wanted help.”

Motivated by the powerlessness she felt trying to grapple with the reality of Ahmad’s diagnosis, she decided to make her first post.  “The first thing that brought me online was trying to figure out where we were on the spectrum. Was this really bad? Do lots of people get this diagnosis? I just had no idea. That was my first post ever.”

The Best Kind Of Echo Chamber

Renata didn’t know what to expect, but what followed surprised her. It’s something she describes as the “echo chamber” of social media, but she means that positively. In the worst echo chambers, you’re alone, and your voice bounces back at you, mocking your solitude. But at Inspire, Renata’s lonely message multiplied itself until it became a song of dozens of people, all of whom knew exactly what she was going through. Unlike the black caves of depression and solitude many people find themselves trapped in after unexpected illness strikes, there’s nothing dark about Inspire’s echo chamber. It’s a ringing canyon of light.  

Within days, Inspire’s “echo chamber” returned more than twenty responses to Renata, ranging from notes of sympathy to practical suggestions from people that had endured a similar diagnosis. 

With over one million users, Inspire’s forums provide comfort and hope to anyone.

For those whose experience of the Internet is limited to witnessing guerilla warfare in the comments of their Facebook feed, Renata’s description of a forum where people treat each other with understanding and respect seems like a polite fiction. But civility and compassion exists on the Internet–especially when the content of conversations shifts to vulnerable people making quiet requests for help.

Civility and compassion exists on the Internet… especially when the content of conversations shifts to vulnerable people making quiet requests for help.

And, as Renata learned, Inspire is one place you can find it.

“Inspire became my main source of support,” she says. “I could post something at 9:00AM with a great deal of nuance about this iteration of bladder cancer and in twenty-four hours I could have thirty replies… What I found to be incredibly helpful was hearing from other patients and families about simply navigating the landscape of this particular illness.”

Brian Loew, CEO of Inspire, founded the forum ten years ago to help patients get information about clinical trials.

Renata’s experience is what Inspire’s CEO Brian Loew had in mind when he launched the site about ten years ago.

“In the past, the voices of people with chronic conditions were ignored. People suffered in silence. Because these illnesses are not always visible to others, they are thought of as less serious or less impactful. Much of our work at Inspire has focused on making sure that this conversation can happen.”

At the very heart of this work stands a group of veritable strangers with the courage to stare at a flickering screen and admit that they’re not sure what to do next. Humility replaces pretense as users connect with others whose lives, like Renata’s, have been “upended.”

Mike’s Story

Mike Lawing, another Inspire user, tells a different story. It’s one that he sums up with a single statistic. “About 70 percent of counties in the United States don’t have an oncologist,” Mike says  with a rich drawl that tells of a life spent in the hills of western North Carolina.

At the time of his kidney cancer diagnosis in 1997, Mike was among them. He vividly recalls the experience of his doctor kneeling beside him in a crowded emergency waiting room to tell him: “Things look bad. Very bad.” Without an oncologist locally to advise him, though, Mike didn’t know exactly how bad was bad… and the Internet, still in its infancy, wasn’t much help.

When Mike Lawing was diagnosed with cancer in 1997, he was only given 5 years to live.

When Mike reflects on the earliest moments of his diagnosis, he exudes a kind of seriousness that demands that his listeners abstract themselves from the familiarity of their daily life, joining Mike in his. He tells me: “When I was first diagnosed, there was nothing out there that I knew of that I could turn to for help. I’m now on the board of directors at the Kidney Cancer Association and it was in existence back then, but as someone living in rural America with limited access to computers, I couldn’t find any of it.”

It’s easy to miss the gravity of this statement, “There was nothing out there that I knew of.” For someone recently informed that he had less than five years to live, coupling uncertainty with this lack of information seems a unique cruelty.

Patients receive their treatment and medication, but they leave wondering what was said and what it meant. Ultimately, they go on Inspire to get those questions answered.

Two decades later, Mike has outlived his initial five-year diagnosis, but has never forgotten the uncertainty of his earliest days living with cancer. That’s why Mike calls Inspire a “lifeline.”

Even for those living within close proximity to medical resources, Mike explains that Inspire offers users a critical sense of comfort and affirmation they often miss from their doctors. “You’ve got people that live in [communities] where a major hospital is located a block away, but they don’t feel comfortable going there to ask questions. The doctors don’t have time. The nurses don’t have time. Patients receive their treatment and medication, but they leave wondering what was said and what it meant. Ultimately, they go on Inspire to get those questions answered.”

The Purpose Of Providing Hope

Critics of online communities like Inspire wonder about the cost of sacrificing direct human interaction in favor of anonymous messaging. Do forums actually make people more isolated and shut off from the real world? But Mike scoffs at such criticisms, countering with a story about a man he knew who, dying, denied treatment in hospice. At the request of the man’s mother, Mike spoke with him and learned that a fear of abandoning his wife, daughters, and grandchildren was devastating him. “He was more concerned about that than his own health issues,” Mike says.

Yet the crux of this story lies in the simple fact that this conversation ever happened… and the only reason it happened was because Mike connected with this man’s mother. This is a type of connection that Inspire specializes in.

“Most people don’t have anyone to talk to, “ Mike says. “They may have family, but there is an isolation that comes with this journey. These people are terrified, but they can have that conversation online because they trust these people that are going through the same thing.”

When Renata’s husband passed in April of 2014, eleven months after his diagnosis, she returned to Inspire for hope and continued friendship. Meanwhile, with his cancer in remission, Mike still moderates the site’s kidney cancer forum. After reminding me that he was only given five years to live, Mike reasons: “I figured out a long time ago that anything that’s going on in my life can probably be used to help people around me. In fact, maybe that’s the reason I’m still around. It’s my purpose.”

This is also why Inspire is still growing, ten years after it was founded. It provides common purpose to over a million people like Mike and Renata: to give community, comfort, and hope to those who are struggling to understand the unexpected turn their lives have taken through illness. It’s a simple gesture, yet something powerful happens when, from out of the abyss of the Internet, a voice like your own echoes back to you: “You are not alone.”

Creative Commons photo of Bryce Canyon taken by Al King.



How Do You Talk To Your Kids When You Have Cancer?

My diagnosis is teaching me about fatherhood, and how to prepare my kids for the day when I'm not around anymore

Weeks before my son was born, I had my first seizure.

It exploded in epic grand mal fashion, turning the evening sky into the brightest rainbow I had ever seen. For a minute or two, the corner of Austin’s 3rd and Congress turned into a dance of brilliant color.

When I opened my eyes, less than a second later, I was strapped to a gurney, covered with blood.

The author and his son, Soren.

This traumatic turn of events was what led to me being diagnosed with oligoastrocytoma, a type of terminal brain cancer. But before I could even think about what this meant for me, I needed to think about what it meant for my pregnant wife–then in her third trimester– and the child that was soon to come.

I didn’t have long to think about it, though. Six weeks later, and only hours after my second brain surgery, my son Soren was born. The surgeons had only just finished closing the hole in my head with 140 staples, having just extracted the last visible traces of my tumor.

Ever since that moment, almost four years ago, I’ve been two things: a cancer survivor, and a father. I’m technically living on borrowed time, but my wife, Erin, and I do our best to keep moving forward. After Soren, we added a brand new set of twins to our already cacophonous lives, and I joined the ranks of stay-at-home dad to give myself more time to heal.

Each day brings new challenges — not as traumatic as chemo and radiation, but interesting in their own way, because beginning a family while dealing with cancer isn’t something most people have to go through.

Beginning a family while dealing with cancer isn’t something most people have to go through.

The moment my son was born, I was catapulted into the always moving, always changing world of fatherhood. Having a new child would have been difficult enough to manage in simpler “normal” circumstances, but adding the layer of this major health challenge caused the experience to go screaming past the sound barrier.

Before I had it, cancer was always a strange, black magic sort of topic to me. Until it was in my life, it was as mysterious as the stars in the sky. But every time I heard the pulsing of an MRI, smelled a radiation machine burn my skin, or felt the spark of an oncoming seizure, I had to learn a little more about how to speak about cancer–not just with adults, but to my children.

Soren at his first baseball game.

Soren and the twins aren’t quite old enough yet to fully understand the significance of my illness. They will someday soon, though. The other day, my one-year-old, Mira, looked me in the eyes and said “Hi!” I was delighted to hear her first word, but in the back of my head, I asked myself: how long until she’s asking me about my sickness?

At night, I think about what I will tell them when they start to ask about my cancer. Or maybe they never will, and it’ll always be just a normal part of their life. “My dad has brain cancer,” they’ll say to their schoolmates, as if-you-please as if I were a postman or fire fighter.

There’s a darker possibility, too. Will they be saying “my dad had brain cancer, but he’s not here anymore?” These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Will they be saying “my dad had brain cancer, but he’s not here anymore?” These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Right now, I’m just trying to share my love for them as openly and honestly as possible. I also want to show them that their dad isn’t afraid, even though there are private moments when I am, and think desperately about how much I want to live through this. 

And more than ever, I do want to live through this. The mere fact that I’m still alive–let alone feeling healthy now–amazes me. Yet I hold on to the deepest knowledge that, short of a major new medical advance, I am going to die of my disease someday. And yes, I am afraid of that, not just for myself, but for what this terminal diagnosis means to me and my wife and children.  

Mark, Soren, and the twins on a day out.

I work hard on my fear, and try to keep my voice level so that my wife and kids can’t hear it. Yes, my wife and I are scared shitless at times. But I don’t want my kids to sense that fear. Instead, I want them to understand: to be able to talk to them about what is going on inside of my body without focusing on the fear. 

So I talk to them about my cancer in a roundabout way. I try to teach all my kids as much about science and medicine as they are capable of understanding. New medical breakthroughs are happening all the time that could potentially cure me, so to my oldest, I’ll talk about neuroscience, so those breakthroughs will one day be grounded in something he understands, whether I’m here to talk to him about them anymore or not.  (Yes, you can talk about neuroscience with a toddler!) 

Whether I’m cured, or whether I eventually succumb, I want my kids to truly understand what their dad went through…

Whether I’m cured, or whether I eventually succumb, I want my kids to truly understand what their dad went through physically as well as emotionally. That’s why I write about cancer elsewhere, and why I’m writing this. There’s no easy way to talk to your kids about having terminal cancer. But while I’m still here, I’ll do it as best I can: with integrity, and without fear.

Because even if I die, I want my kids to one day know that because of them, I won my battle with cancer. Their presence in this universe would have been impossible without me; to have survived long enough to help give them life has already made my life valuable. This strange experience of having a body, a somewhat mis-calibrated one, a mis-created one, was a part of their life story. And  because of that, to understand themselves, they’ll need to understand cancer too.



No Shame In Her Scars

After three bouts of cancer, Koco Powell lives her life as an "open book" to help raise awareness in others.

On the morning of my telephone interview, Coqueace “Koco” Powell, couldn’t rev up enough energy to engage in a conversation about her five-year journey with breast cancer. She’d been up all night wrestling in discomfort at her Rockwall, Texas home. In addition to insomnia, she is riddled with the pain of neuropathy in her limbs, a side effect of cancer drugs.  Getting out of bed is draining.

“Let me get a lil’ more sleep and then we can chat, OK?” she said in a text.

About four hours later, we reconnect, but she’s still not feeling well. She can’t focus, so she asks for more time.

“I’m not myself, right now,” she says with a raspy voice.

A few more hours later, she is back to doing what she does best: speaking openly about the trials and triumphs of going through a vigorous cancer treatment regimen.

“I’m an open book,” she says.


Koko Powell.

She shares every detail about her journey via social media and to whomever wants to listen. She talks about, and even shows photos, of her disfigured chest and burned skin—a permanent remnant of cancer.

Her chest has been a battlefield. She refers to the scars there as “tracks of war.”

Cancer first invaded her left breast in 2011 when she was 36. She had a double mastectomy, doctors removed 19 lymph nodes, and reconstruction implants were placed.

Thousands of followers on Facebook prompted her to inspire them to take charge of their health before problems get out of hand. When doctors discovered her cancer, it was at stage 3.  

She garnered the following after advocating for early detection Susan G. Komen ads and as a panelist at various breast cancer awareness conferences. Komen is a global organization charged with advocating breast health and screenings, community outreach, cancer research, and bringing financial support to women with breast cancer.

Powell glows and professes to continue beating cancer, all while wearing a bright smile, flawless makeup, her signature big ribbon-shaped earrings and a nearly bald head.

The former makeup artist and TV personality doesn’t wear makeup everyday, but when she’s feeling well, she likes to glam up and snap a selfie. Other times, she posts professional photos, most of which display a breast cancer awareness theme.

She also offers up inspiration to her audience to get a mammogram and not take their health for granted. Powell is loving and kind in her approach—never bitter. She’s joyous and thankful when she announces she’s in remission.

But she admits there have been times when she wanted to give up.

Last year, the cancer returned for the second time. It was at stage 4.

“I flipped out with this one, ” she says. “I don’t know if my body got mad at me or what, but I had a recurrence. I had tumors removed, the implants removed, and more lymph nodes removed. So that’s two different chemo ports, two different types of chemo meds, two different times.”

She’s in remission again, but said she understands the survival rate at this stage is much lower. The chances of recurrence is likely.

Powell first found a lump at 36 during a self exam.  


Kicking ass and taking names.

“I kind of freaked out by the lump,” she recalls in a testimonial. I don’t have any money. I don’t have insurance. I don’t know what to do.”

But a doctor referred her to a resource that would ensure she received care through a Komen grant– a program that funds low income and uninsured women’s diagnostic testing and treatment.  

This began a long arduous journey that rocked her both physically and emotionally. She started a very aggressive chemotherapy regimen. In addition to the surgeries to remove her breasts and lymph nodes, she’s also had a complete hysterectomy–a result of the cancer drug Tamoxifen, which aggravated past gynecological issues.

This surgery was another blow to Powell, who is not married and has no children. While she regrets nothing, she admits she wishes she had the opportunity to have a family.

Powell takes eight pills a day and will undergo chemotherapy indefinitely. It’s a daily routine for 14 days, and then she gets a break for seven days. The cycle repeats.

Her treatments has riddled her hands with neuropathy. She keeps paper cups and plates to avoid breaking dishes, since she drops them because she loses a grip. She avoids driving, because her feet also are affected. The pain and swelling of neuropathy make her size 11 shoes too tight.

Her energy level is low and she experiences nausea and insomnia. Putting sentences together or holding a conversation without pauses is commonplace.

“It’s different everyday,” she says. “It just depends if I’m on chemo that week. I don’t like laying around, but sometimes I just can’t get up. I push myself to do it as much as possibly can. Believe me, I do.”

Powell, who used to live in a gym, is up to about 230 pounds, thanks to being sedentary and on steroids. She’s developed high blood pressure–a condition she’d never had to deal with before. For accountability, said she’ll  talk about this struggle on social media to push her into becoming a fitness enthusiast again.

In the meantime, she’s unemployed and was declined for disability payments, so she relies on the help of family and generous friends. Powell, a military veteran and self-described strong woman, still exudes confidence through the pain. She focuses on her survival daily, not getting distracted by petty things she feels do not matter.  


No shame in these stars.

Powell doesn’t go on speaking engagements as often these days. Her treatments usually keep her from being as active, but she continues to update followers on Facebook, usually with updates about her condition and reminders to take charge of their health. She speaks about her religious faith often, which she attributes to her survival.

She gets feedback, prayers, and notes about how she helped followers take control of their health. When women are diagnosed with breast cancer, they confide in her.

She loves playing the role of a virtual cheerleader. However, it sometimes bears a heavy weight on her shoulders.

“Now other people are basically living because I’m living,” she says. “They fight hard because I fight hard.”

She adds, “At first I didn’t think I was motivating people and I became more selfish with it. I wasn’t sharing as much. But after a while, I realized many women are going through the same thing and they need (the motivation) just as well.”

Not all of her outreach is sugar-coated or cloaked in pink rhetoric. Sometimes, she is blunt and to the point. Her goal is to get women to the doctor for annual checkups and mammograms as soon as it is recommended. She reminds them to stay in tune with their bodies. After describing the ugliness of cancer, she sometimes adds “you hear me?” or “cancer ain’t cute” to her posts.

“There are a lot of women who will buy make up, get tummy tucks, extensions and lace front (wigs), but they won’t go to the doctor,” she says. “To me that’s a little weird. You’ll spend money on that but not the doctor–so busy making sure the outside is looking good.”

Being uninsured is no excuse, she says, referring to the Komen grants, other programs, and free annual checkups.

She’s especially concerned about black women. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study released last month shows that the incidence rate gap between black and white women is closing. In addition, black women still have a higher breast cancer mortality rate.


Koko Powell.

“African American women under 40 are at a high rate right now,” Powell says. “Some of them are dying because it’s (diagnosed) so late.”

Regardless of her health status, Powell wants to continue educating women. She wants them to be more open about their experiences so they may compare notes and potentially help doctors improve treatment or even find a cure.

Powell is overwhelmed by the support from her family, friends and followers. She tries to pay it forward each day. She feels blessed to be a vessel of hope, love and kindness.  

“Everyday is not perfect but I have to keep thinking about my purpose,” she says. “God put me on this Earth to give to people, period.”


Pinball Wizard

After losing his arm to a post-cancer infection, Todd Brammer had to rethink how he plays pinball.

Spectators tend to show up when a real pinball wizard is playing, but even compared to the best, Todd Brammer sidling up to a table tends to turn heads. 

“I usually get a crowd of pinball people like, whoa, what’s this guy doing?” he chuckles.

Brammer is, in fact, an excellent pinball player, but that’s not the only thing that draws an audience when he takes the paddles. It’s how he plays.

Todd with his grandson.

Todd with his grandson.

Brammer only has one full-length arm and hand. Years back, he beat a bout of osteogenic sarcoma, a cancer that begins in the bone and often attacks the thighs, shins, and upper arms. The latter might not have been an issue–Brammer notes that the doctors put a steel rod in his arm–but it was a drug-resistant staph infection that later claimed his limb.

“[The doctors] took my arm off, and I had to figure out how to keep playing,” Brammer says matter-of-factly.

Like a lot of folks in his generation, the 55-year-old, Iowa-born Brammer grew up flipping the silver ball. “I used to play with two hands!” he enthuses of growing up in the town of Muscatine, playing pinball in bowling alleys.

After he married his high school sweetheart, Kim, the couple scraped together enough to buy their own pinball machine when they were in their twenties, a Williams-brand Road Kings. Now with two grandkids (and a third on the way), Todd is passing that same game onto them. “I figure it was my first machine, so it should be theirs, too,” he says.

Todd puts his game face one.

Todd puts his game face one.

Brammer has been playing for decades, but not everyone on the scene today has. That isn’t a comment on age; pinball has been experiencing something of a resurgence in recent years with Gen X and Millennial players forming local leagues for the first time and organizing tournaments.There has always been a small competitive pinball circuit, though even the international tournaments tend to be, in the words of The Talking Heads, “never for money, always for love.” But in the past few years, the game has drawn newcomers through a mix of anecdotal factors, including the hipster fascination with old-school and mechanical gaming, a few small-scale startup machine manufacturers, and the so-called brewcades (for example, Brooklyn’s Barcade) that have been popping up in hip urban areas, serving cold beers with a side of classic arcade fun.

All of this means that today, it’s much easier to find places to play. But playing on location—that is, finding machines to play in public, a critical rite for any pro pinballer—is very different than playing at home. Especially if you, like Brammer, need special accommodation to play. After all, most pinball machines are made for two-hands, not one. 

After Todd lost his arm, he first got back into the game by modifying the machines he already had. It wasn’t hard: he simply drilled an extra hole in the right side of the box, added another button just above the existing one. By pulling the left-button wiring through the inside of the machine body to connect with the right side of the machine, Ballmer was able to control both flipper buttons with one hand; the trickiest part, says Todd, was getting his brain wired the same way.

Todd poses in front of some of his favorite machines.

Todd poses in front of some of his favorite machines.

But on location, there’s no way to add extra buttons. So when Todd plays the pinball machines at Angelina’s Pizza in Salinas, California, he gets his wife to help. “I play right flipper,” he explains. “They cut off my left arm, so Kim plays my left.” In public, the couple often plays side by side, each controlling one flipper. (Kim, by the way, is a solid player in her own right. “She’s probably better player than I am!” Todd enthuses.)

It’s a spectacle that’s always sure to draw crowds. In addition, the unique team approach to play also caught the eye of the organizer of the local league.

Pinball league play is a way serious players can rack up official points over the course of a season and compete in competitions. The governing body that oversees competitive pinball rankings, the International Flipper Pinball Association (IFPA), keeps track of points earned from both league and one-off tournament participation. Higher rankings can mean the difference between making higher-level competitions on both the national and international level, though those types of tourneys are often populated only by the top several dozen players. That said, the IFPA ranks tens of thousands of players, including amateurs who show up for even one IFPA-approved tournament.

A close-up view of the custom-made gizmo that allows Todd to play unmodified pinball machines with just one arm.

A close-up view of the custom-made gizmo that allows Todd to play unmodified pinball machines with just one arm.

Not that any of this really bothers Todd. Brammer isn’t concerned about points or ranking, figuring he and Kim will split the points for their combined game. “I just like playing,” he maintains. “Most of the people [who I meet in league play] aren’t real hardcore, and we haven’t run across anyone with any problems yet.” He lists off half a dozen of his league buddies. “They’re into getting points, but I just go to play a little pinball, drink a little beer and hang with some good people.” That’s because so-called “pinbrawlers” tend to be known for their inclusivity and friendliness.

Which is how Brammer ended up with what might be the most interesting one-off pinball gizmo ever designed, built by a fellow league member to aid his on-location play.

The gizmo, built by console hacker and geek-maker-of-all-trades Ben Heck, is as simple as it is perfect. Two panels fit over each set of flippers, attached to the glass on top of the pinball machine with two large suction cups. A wire crosses the front, connecting the current from the right flipper to the left, and allowing Todd to play both flippers with the fingers one hand. It works well. Brammer has only made one modification: he has altered Heck’s original design to add larger suction cups, because Todd likes to play rough.

Todd’s gizmo has made it easier for him than ever to play pinball at his favorite joints.. “It doesn’t fit on older games, like certain machines made before the mid-70s,” Brammer says. “But I can put it on 80 percent of games out there, so now I can just go play at Free Gold Watch [in San Francisco] or the Pacific Pinball Museum [in Alameda, California].”

Todd plays his custom-modified Ghostbusters machine.

Todd plays Ghostbusters, one of his favorite machines

After years of playing pinball at home, Todd finds hitting the road with his gadget and playing on-location freeing. But Brammer still collects machines, and mods them so he can use them at home. He now has four machines: Williams Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a Stern Buck Hunter, his old Williams Road Kings, and a brand new Stern Ghostbusters.

“It might be the only Ghostbusters on the West Coast with one-handed play setup,” he says with a laugh. Then he adds, still chuckling: “I mean, if I’m gonna spend $5,000 on it, I might as well be able to play it.”

All photos by Gene X. Hwang / Orange Photography.